I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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