Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
what is it with giant penises always finding me
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
