Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
