He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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