He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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