It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize