Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
