Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Randomize
