When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
last night I used snow as a chaser
Randomize
