I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
