and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
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