update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
