he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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