okay pat passed out under dana's car
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
