Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Randomize
