think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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