Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
You ruined the universe
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