you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize