Ambien. No doubt about it.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
