Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
it's like heaven, but drunker
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
