I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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