Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
It's not a walk of shame if you run
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