just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize