Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
