she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
