that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
