The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
