Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
