Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
