yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
