RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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