hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
