Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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