Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
