it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize