WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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