If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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