yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
