Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
