I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
