I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
