you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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