I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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