He asked to "fluff my boner.."
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Randomize
