I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
