Apparently you make a good broom.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Everything about him screamed your future.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
