your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
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