I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize