I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
