Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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