I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize