she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
