what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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