Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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