I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
