Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
