I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
