TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
It's blow job season.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
