she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
