I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
