I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
