brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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