We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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