they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
