Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
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