I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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