Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize