I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
