is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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