Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
