Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
