my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
