he told me I talked like a deaf person
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
This is classic penis vs brain.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
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