I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
