i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
