Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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