i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
