apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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