we have pet lesbian snakes
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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