my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
