i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
He did a backflip because drugs
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
