You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
