IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
