Say something about gay babies.
im holly from the hills drunk
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Vodka?
Forever.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
