shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
