Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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