You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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