If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
