24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
