Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
