he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
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