Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
