I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
of course. lets lasso hookers.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
