he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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