Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Randomize
