i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
