So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I'm just crazy horny about you
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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