The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
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