I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
4 words: hood of his car
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Randomize
