If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize