He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
