Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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