I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
