You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
