make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize