he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Randomize
