I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
