thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
