PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize