Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
