you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
