3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Randomize