how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
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