So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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