i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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