Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Randomize
