I have demons in me.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Randomize