Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
