he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
