Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Jerry, you need to find god
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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